A Tribute...
~ Fleur Kuseta ~
14 September 1982 - 20 November 2009
This is a bit off topic from my normal posts.. though there is a few poems, so it's still a little creative I guess.
I received the sad news this week that a friend who meant so much to me took her life on Friday. While we didn't catch up frequently with work and life in general being so busy, there was still the 1-2 hour long, just 5 minutes I promise, phone calls. We'd just been speaking mid-week about seeing the new Twilight movie together this week and she gave no indication that she was struggling, she didn't attempt to reach out for help on that Friday.. she just decided she'd had enough.
This friend played such a key role in my life. We met when she started attending the school I was at, she was a year above me. I was bullied a lot there and the majority of the time had no one I could have called a friend. Fleur and I clicked. She didn't care what others thought or said, she was always there as a bestie. Even when I'd let loose at her she didn't care, she knew I was just venting the hurt of being bullied and would just shrug it off. When I started to get into poetry a lot more, she was the only person, outside of family at the time who really encouraged me, raved about my poetry, even when I thought it sucked. Fleur was a unique character, she didn't care about what other people thought of her, she lived life the way she wanted to, and if others didn't think it was right.. too bad. She spoke her mind, and was always blatantly honest in her opinions, even if they weren't the most popular, she said things how they were. She walked with me through some of my darkest times, when I myself wanted, and attempted to end my life. It's crushing to lose someone so special, who means so much. I wish I had the chance to be there for her in the way she was for me. I wish I could've leant her the support needed to see her through the dark time she was in and out the other side. I spent last night writing a few poems as a Tribute to Fleur, to try and capture who she was and what she meant to me. It goes in a 3 piece progression.. the first is more coming to terms with what she did and saying goodbye, the second is describing the kind of person she was and the third is along similar lines to the 2nd, but also, with an understanding of why she made the choice to go, and letting go of her myself.
1.
Fleur you were such a faithful friend
I wish the fun times didn’t have to end
When I had no one, you were always there
A loyal friend, you always cared.
And for these many years of friendship
My thanks to you, I can never repay
Your support and strength throughout those years
Meant so much more than I could ever say
I wish I had known you were in so much pain
So I might have helped you, as you helped me
I wish I had been able to show you a way
To stay here.. and still be free.
I wish I could’ve been there for you
When your heart was so torn
I wish I could’ve been there for you
Rather than stand here today and mourn.
It’s so very hard to stand here
And say goodbye to such a good friend
It’s hard to believe that these years of friendship
Have now come to an end.
I don’t think I can be at peace
With the decision that you made
But I know you now rest with the Lord
I know this, because it’s what I’ve prayed.
And while here I stand with my heart torn
I’m going to let you go
I’ll let you rest at ease
You didn’t do this to torment me, I know.
You were struggling and in so much pain
You couldn’t see any other way
You just wanted to find some peace
And to find that, you had to fly away.
You didn’t mean to hurt me
You thought that this was best
You thought that you could save me
From feeling your torment and unrest.
So Fleur, I will allow that
I won’t hold onto the grief and pain
I won’t rob you of what you wanted
I won’t cast on you any blame.
And though it hurts, I set you free
To let you rise above the storms
To rest easy in the arms of Jesus
Free from pain forever more.
And I’ll hold onto all the good times
To which there was no end
I’ll remember you always Fleur
You’ll always be my best friend.
I wish the fun times didn’t have to end
When I had no one, you were always there
A loyal friend, you always cared.
And for these many years of friendship
My thanks to you, I can never repay
Your support and strength throughout those years
Meant so much more than I could ever say
I wish I had known you were in so much pain
So I might have helped you, as you helped me
I wish I had been able to show you a way
To stay here.. and still be free.
I wish I could’ve been there for you
When your heart was so torn
I wish I could’ve been there for you
Rather than stand here today and mourn.
It’s so very hard to stand here
And say goodbye to such a good friend
It’s hard to believe that these years of friendship
Have now come to an end.
I don’t think I can be at peace
With the decision that you made
But I know you now rest with the Lord
I know this, because it’s what I’ve prayed.
And while here I stand with my heart torn
I’m going to let you go
I’ll let you rest at ease
You didn’t do this to torment me, I know.
You were struggling and in so much pain
You couldn’t see any other way
You just wanted to find some peace
And to find that, you had to fly away.
You didn’t mean to hurt me
You thought that this was best
You thought that you could save me
From feeling your torment and unrest.
So Fleur, I will allow that
I won’t hold onto the grief and pain
I won’t rob you of what you wanted
I won’t cast on you any blame.
And though it hurts, I set you free
To let you rise above the storms
To rest easy in the arms of Jesus
Free from pain forever more.
And I’ll hold onto all the good times
To which there was no end
I’ll remember you always Fleur
You’ll always be my best friend.
2.
Fleur, this is in your honour
To show how great you’ve always been
And though this is only my perspective
I’ve tried to cover all that I’ve seen.
Fleur you really were
The only one of a kind
A loyal and loving friend
And never afraid to speak your mind!
You went out of your way for your friends
But family was always number one
Your smile was so contagious!
Fleur, you were so much fun.
A friend to those who had none
You went out of your way to help them stand
A source of great encouragement
Always willing to lend a hand.
You always told things straight
Which is just the way that they should be
If I was ever being a down right jerk
I soon stopped that, when you were through with me!
You didn’t care what others thought
You lived your life in your own way
You never cared about popular opinion
Life was to be lived, and lived today!
Ever passionate and ambitious
Whether for movies, food or both
It always bought that spark to your eye
When you did something you enjoyed most.
What you enjoyed most was helping others
I know, because your help for me had no end
You were there when I had no one
So loyal.. and my best friend.
Fleur, I’m going to miss the times
Of late night movies and talking utter rot
I’m going to miss your hour long – just 5 minute calls
And I’m going to miss your laugh a lot.
Party on up there in Heaven girl
There’s no more need to cry
And don’t let anyone steal your limelight
Now that you’ve been set free to fly.
To show how great you’ve always been
And though this is only my perspective
I’ve tried to cover all that I’ve seen.
Fleur you really were
The only one of a kind
A loyal and loving friend
And never afraid to speak your mind!
You went out of your way for your friends
But family was always number one
Your smile was so contagious!
Fleur, you were so much fun.
A friend to those who had none
You went out of your way to help them stand
A source of great encouragement
Always willing to lend a hand.
You always told things straight
Which is just the way that they should be
If I was ever being a down right jerk
I soon stopped that, when you were through with me!
You didn’t care what others thought
You lived your life in your own way
You never cared about popular opinion
Life was to be lived, and lived today!
Ever passionate and ambitious
Whether for movies, food or both
It always bought that spark to your eye
When you did something you enjoyed most.
What you enjoyed most was helping others
I know, because your help for me had no end
You were there when I had no one
So loyal.. and my best friend.
Fleur, I’m going to miss the times
Of late night movies and talking utter rot
I’m going to miss your hour long – just 5 minute calls
And I’m going to miss your laugh a lot.
Party on up there in Heaven girl
There’s no more need to cry
And don’t let anyone steal your limelight
Now that you’ve been set free to fly.
3.
I don't know all who knew you
But this one thing, I know well
You will be missed by so very many
By your heart this I can tell.
But this one thing, I know well
You will be missed by so very many
By your heart this I can tell.
A person of gentle nature
Trying to find their way
A loving and caring woman
But the enemy got in your way.
You fought so hard, this I saw
And the Lord knows, you tried your best
Rest peacefully now my best friend
Your weary heart is now at rest.
And Fleur, you did so well
You went as far as you possibly could
And got up each time you fell.
But the battle took its toll
Your heart was so troubled and weary
You had taken all that you could carry
You needed to find peace, clearly.
I'm glad that you've now found that
I'm happy you can let it all go
I'm thankful that you can now rest
I'm still going to miss you though.
There’s been far too many good times
For me to ever recount
I thank you for these years of friendship
Especially when I too wanted to opt out.
I wish I could have been there
Just as you were for me
But Fleur I’m also glad for you
That you got your wish, to be free.
Don’t linger now you’ve got your wish
Unfurl your wings that shine so bright
You’re free from all that can hold you back
Fleur you’re free! So let go, and take flight.
There’s been far too many good times
For me to ever recount
I thank you for these years of friendship
Especially when I too wanted to opt out.
I wish I could have been there
Just as you were for me
But Fleur I’m also glad for you
That you got your wish, to be free.
Don’t linger now you’ve got your wish
Unfurl your wings that shine so bright
You’re free from all that can hold you back
Fleur you’re free! So let go, and take flight.
Posted in: on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at at 11:20 AM 1 comments
